I remember from my childhood that the mothers in our neighborhood didn’t just mother their own children but all of us. Those mothers, like many others, saw their role as reaching beyond the boundaries of family. They knew intuitively–somehow, someway–that it truly “takes a village to raise a child”.

As we gather with our families and loved ones today to celebrate the wonderful mothers in our lives, this video is a reminder of that more global role of motherhood and how the collective power of mothers can move us towards a world filled with peace.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers who visit here at Midlife’s A Trip. I’m wishing you a day of love and peace.

Always,

Karen

“Let’s get together soon.”  I can’t even remember how many times I’ve said this to family and friends with all good intentions of actually getting together.  And then we don’t.  Has this ever happened to you?

This week some of those vague promises of “getting together” have turned into wonderful reality.  For instance, I spent several days visiting with my cousin who came in from Bermuda and stayed with me.  He’s my age and we spent some great time together talking about the trials and tribulations of our respective journeys through midlife.  We talked, laughed and gave each other lots of cousin-ly advice.  After all the times we promised to get together soon, we finally did. 

And today, I had lunch with a new friend, someone I’ve known for years and have gotten to know better over the past year.  She’s about to make the major midlife transition of retiring.  We talked about the things she wants to do in this next phase of midlife and we compared our lists of 100 things about each other.  It was surreal how many things we have in common–both eldest children, same personality type and myriad of other things.  We have been promising to get together soon.  And what fun we had when we did. 

Tomorrow I have to attend a family funeral.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been to funerals where I say to family and friends that we should get together on happy occasions not just the sad ones.  And we all stand around and agree that we will “get together soon”.  And then we don’t.  

We used to depend on the our older generation of parents, aunts and uncles to make the fun family gatherings happen.  With many of them now gone, it’s up to the midlife cousins to arrange the happy times together.  So I commit here in this post to help plan a picnic this summer where several generations of cousins can come together for an event that’s not shrouded in grief.  It doesn’t have to be fancy and complicated.  Our family picnics never were.  It just has to be an opportunity for us to get together soon. 

And this time I believe we will.

My Aunt Irene died last week.  Aunt Irene was not a woman of complexities or innuendo.  She was known for saying what she meant and meaning what she said.  Everyone who knew and loved her understood that. 

So on a spring Monday 2 weeks ago when Aunt Irene said that she didn’t want anything to eat or drink and that she was “ready”, her family understood what she meant.  Aunt Irene was tired of life without my uncle who died last year and still grieving for her son who died a year earlier.  She was tired of the blindness and chronic illness that filled her later years.  And she was tired of the revolving door in and out of the hospital.  So Aunt Irene said “no more”.  And when Aunt Irene talked, everyone listened.

I visited her last week.  I used to kid her about not eating back when my uncle was dying.  I would cajole her and we’d banter back and forth about when and what she would promise to eat.  I reminded her about our past dialogs on food.  She smiled.  I asked her if she would eat a little something.  Aunt Irene smiled again but gave me a firm and loving “No”.  In that moment I understood that she was letting go.  We hugged and I told her I loved her.  I knew this was our goodbye. 

I have such respect for my cousin Brenda, Aunt Irene’s daughter and others like her who allow the elderly to be heard about life’s end .  As I get older and witness the passing of my loved ones, I realize more and more that the wishes of the dying are the ultimate case for honor and dignity.  To the extent that we Baby Boomers understand this, we lay a firm foundation for our wishes to be heard and respected at life’s end.

One of the major stops on my midlife trip has been becoming a professional life coach. Yes I know, some of you are wondering what the heck that is.

Well, a life coach helps you turn your dreams into reality — basically get from where you are to where you want to be. An amazing part of my learning to be a coach was finding my own coach — the remarkable Merci Miglino!

Merci’s unique coaching style of humor, wisdom and enthusiasm kept me on target to getting my coaching certification. More importantly, though, she was one of my biggest cheerleaders as I discovered and embraced the “real” me or as Merci puts it:

The Karen-est Karen I can be!!

Now I could go on and on about how Merci has helped me establish a practice where I coach others like me on the midlife trip. But why not just let you see Merci in action. So if you can use a little fun and inspiration in your Sunday, take 10 minutes to watch Merci in “From Doormat to Diva”:

Thank you Merci.

   Today is ”commentmania” at Midlife’s A Trip.  I know there are a number of you who visit regularly, even daily and I’d love to hear from you because sometimes I feel alone here on the page.  So would you leave a little comment to this post– maybe your age, where you’re from, what’s been the best and worst of your midlife trip or whatever moves you.  For inspiration or commiseration, I’m 56 years old, from Michigan and my midlife includes:

The Worst

1. Losing my dad–my hero.
2. Menopause — the hot flashes, the night sweats, the brain fog — need I say more.
3. My best friend of 50 years being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at 55 years old.

The Best

1. Becoming an aunt when my midlife sister adopted a beautiful 3 week old baby girl!
2. Menopause - I remember the day I purged all the feminine products from the bathroom cabinet for good!
3. My new career as a professional life coach.

I can’t wait to hear from you!

How many of you have parents or grandparents who just don’t, won’t or can’t learn the computer technology needed to connect them to email?  Well HP, the tech giant has solved the problem with  creation of the HP Printing Mailbox.  It works with a service called Presto and allows you to send email, documents and photos from your camera and cellphone to a loved one who doesn’t do email. 

Whatever you send comes out of the HP Mailbox at a scheduled time in a single sheet ready for the recipient to pick-up and read.  Here’s a recent testimonial:

It is a remarkable product that lets anyone receive email and attached photos, or PDF documents without the hassle and expense of a computer or Internet connection.  It’s easy to set up and simple to use.  All you need is an existing phone line and electrical outlet.  Now our whole family can send Mom email and photos that are transformed into beautiful, full-color printouts.  Messages are printed automatically, so all she has to do is pick them up off of the Printing Mailbox, read and enjoy!

It sounds so user-friendly I almost want one myself.  You can even subscribe to a variety of magazine articles at no extra charge that will be delivered at the specified time you program into the mailbox.  And there’s not a lot of maintenance involved beyond the periodic ink cartridge and paper. 

This could be a great gift for seniors or anyone else who’s a non-techie that you want to stay in touch with.  The mailbox itself is around $150 and the Presto service about $10/month.  Although this isn’t cheap, it’s a thoughtful gift from a tech-savvy family to a loved one.  And consider that as Mother’s and Father’s Days roll around, this might be the gift the whole family can chip in on to bring a smile every day to the non-techie they love.

  The third “What Fresh Hell Is This” award goes to the diabolical dad in Austria who imprisoned his daughter and made her a victim of incest for nearly a quarter of a century.  And that is turning out to be only the tip of the iceberg of crimes committed by the man now known as “Josef F” as DNA tests confirmed that he fathered 7 children with his daughter.  If you need details, there’s enough news coverage out there to meet all of your needs.  But suffice it to say that he wrecked massive and unbelievable devastation on his own family in ways that defy all comprehension. 

I remember meeting a woman years ago, who was in a class I taught on genealogy.  When we got to the point of filling out the pedigree or generation chart, she was stumped.  After class, this woman came up to me and said:

My father is my grandfather and my mother is my aunt.

Even though I’m pretty knowledgeable about genealogy and family history, I confess I was stumped too.  But as we talked further, it became painfully clear that my student was the daughter of an incest victim.  I was stunned and saddened as my student shared the circumstances of her birth and how her father/grandfather ended up going to prison for his crime.  I remembered hearing the pain in her voice as she related her family’s terrible story. 

As I read the story of the awful situation in Austria, I wondered how my former student has fared over the years.  Although she and her mother weren’t held captive in a basement cell like the family in Austria, I imagine that the stain of incest can be its own lifelong prison.  

I’m saying a prayer for them all.

  The 2nd “What Fresh Hell Is This” award goes to my ongoing case of vertigo.  As I wrote last week, I somehow have contracted BPPV - benign paroxysmal positional vertigo.  This bugger of an inner ear condition hasn’t responded to the weird set of exercises my doctor prescribed.  So yesterday, dizzier than ever (all right hold the funny comments), I headed back to Dr. Z’s office after pleading for an appointment before the weekend. 

When Dr. Z came in, he lowered the chair back and told me he wanted me to lay back quickly.  With Dr. Z supporting me, I leaned back and the room began to spin at warp speed.  I remember gripping the chair as if to hold on for dear life while Dr. Z watched my eyes looking for something that tells him that the vertigo is worse.  He found it.  With that confirmation, Dr. Z brought out the little gizmo that vibrates your head to shake runaway little calcium rocks floating around in the inner ear canal back into the right place.  Of course, this is my lay-patient interpretation of yet another bizarre treatment of my vertigo.

Then the nurse brought a cervical collar in for me to wear to restrict my head movement for a week.  My first thought was “what fresh hell is this”?  But upon further reflection, I said bring on anything that will get rid of the spinning in my head.  So here I sit writing this post with my collar on and my dizziness reduced either by the treatment and/or the low dose of Valium Dr. Z said would help.  In either case, I can concentrate again. 

Has anyone else had an experience with trying to get rid of vertigo?

At this point in midlife, I try to eat what I call “healthy”. Because of a family history of heart disease and hypertension, I especially watch my salt intake. That’s why I was intrigued by the Today Show segment on America’s 20 saltiest foods. If you’d like to watch Ann Curry’s interview on this topic, scroll to the end of this article for the 5 minute video.

The “salty” list, which is published in the latest issue of Men’s Health Magazine exposes the 20 saltiest foods in America with detail on the salt content, calories and fat grams in a number of restaurant offerings, some of which sound deceiving healthy. These foods are listed by category from the saltiest “healthy” food to the saltiest kids food, a very scary dish.

I was amazed that some of the saltiest foods are at several favorite restaurants of mine, like P.F. Chang’s for Chinese food and Quiznos for a quick lunch. You may find some of your favorites here but if not, pass this along to others who might be unknowingly indulging in these over-the-top salty offerings. Here’s a little cheat sheet for what to avoid like the plague when you go out to eat:

1. Romano’s Macaroni Grill Chicken Portabello as the saltiest dish in America with its whopping 7300 mg of sodium

2. Papa John’s Cheesesticks with Buffalo Sauce, 6700 mg sodium

3. Romano’s Macaroni Grill Grilled Teriyaki Salmon, 6590 mg sodium

4. Cosi Kid’s Pepperoni Pizza, the saltiest kid’s dish with 6405 mg sodium

5. Chili’s Buffalo Chicken Fajitas, 5690 mg sodium

6. Romano’s Macaroni Grill Chicken, 5460 mg sodium

7. Denny’s Meat Loaf Dinner, 5080 mg sodium

8. Pizza Hut Meat Lover’s Stuffed Crust Pizza, 5070 mg sodium

9. Quiznos Turkey Bacon Guacamole Large Sub with Cheese and Reduced Fat Ranch Dressing, 4670 mg sodium

10. Dunkin’ Donuts Salt Bagel, 4520 mg sodium

11. Swanson Hungry-Man XXL roasted Carved Turkey Frozen Dinner, 4480 mg sodium

12. Bob Evans Steak Tips and Noodles, 4131 mg sodium

13. Arby’s Sausage Gravy Biscuit, 3754 mg sodium

14. P.F. Chang’s Beef with Broccoli, 3752 mg sodium

15. Fazoli’s Rigotoni Romano, 3180 mg sodium

16. Chili’s Guiltless Grill Chicken Platter, 2780 mg sodium

17. Hardee’s 2/3 Monster Thickburger, 2,770 mg sodium

18. Baja Fresh Chicken Tortilla Soup, 2760 mg sodium

19. Atlanta Bread Company Raspberry Scone, 1750 mg sodium

20. Denny’s Honey Smoked Ham, grilled slice, 1700 mg sodium

Shades of the Jetsons!!  As I’ve reported here, caregiving for Baby Boomers is a looming mega-crisis.  But I never contemplated that one of the solutions is to have robots care for us as we age.  Already in the making at the University of Massachusetts is an innovative new robot who can assist us aging humans.

The robot, named “uBOT-5″ is being developed because there is already a major shortage of paid caregivers for the elderly.  As the 78 million Baby Boomers move through midlife to their senior years, today’s shortage becomes a drop in the bucket compared to the potentially dismal picture 30 years down the road.

So uBOT-5 could be a solution.  Like many of us saw in the futuristic Jetsons cartoons, robots became like family.  According to the researchers, they:

wanted to create a personal robot that could provide many services, such as a medical alert system, or the means to talk to loved ones, all in one human-like package.

Is this what our generation is facing?  Instead of a warm body to care for us in our old age we get metal, wires, circuits, batteries and lights.  Now as much as I loved Rosie the Jetsons’ robot maid years ago I’m not sure I want her changing my Depends when I’m 80.  Call me old-fashioned but really. . .